The illusion

I saw it in a dream.

I saw you riding down on a chariot of stars. Right into my sanctuary.

Its private you know, even dad needs to knock before he can interfere with my crippling loneliness amidst this room of shuttered windows and numbing music. And you just barged right in. As if delivered solely for the purpose of curtailing my agony. Or for adding to it.

You all luminescent and angelic, in your flowing rob of crystalline light. So bright is the aura around you that I can’t even see your face. Not a feature escapes the radiance of your magical spirit emanating to the darkest recesses of all material and spiritual existence.

You disembark your chariot and stand poised at the brink of salvation. Not yours but mine.

I stare into the light but see nothing but the hope of never ending hope. I hear nothing but the silence of fulfilled solitude. I feel nothing but the overwhelming comfort of redemption.

You walk towards me, or I walk towards you. I do not know for nothing else seems to move. It’s as if your presence has carved us out of the tapestry of our surroundings and anchored us amidst the void that exists in the shape of spaces. As if nestled between mundane existence lives a vacuum of such poignant detail that I simply never could comprehend it before.

But with you, I’m there. With you I’m free. Free of the curse of convention. Of the morbidity of a life that lasts only for death.

All of a sudden, my spirit is buoyant. As if untied from whatever bond that sheaths it within an inherently fickle and ultimately destructible frame. I feel like I’m floating. No

Not floating, but flying. Or maybe not that either. It’s just like being without having to be. It’s like no laws of nature are applicable anymore within the radiance of your presence. Like walking on a rainbow, on a cloud, on sunshine.

I stand not a foot away from you. Your aura is so brilliant that somewhere in the back of my mind I fear being scorched to nothing. But in the forefront of my grasp on reality there is nothing but peace. A peace so complete that within it I feel nothing. Nothing at all.

You raise your arms. Or what I think are your arms, can’t really tell for they seem to shimmer with a glow all their own. Slowly I melt into your proffered embrace.

And it feels as if everything has turned to nothing. And nothing to everything.

And you’re gone. The light borne of divinity, the chariot of stars. All gone like smoke dissipating into the atmosphere.

I lie alone, and afraid. Recoiling at the sudden rush of remembering all my sins. I flounder like a drowning kitten being pulled beneath the surface of my own immorality. Suffocating beneath the burden of my own impurity of thought and action.

Slowly I pull my eyes open, slowly I begin to breathe again in the same life, I lived before her, the same fragrance of the nauseating reassurance of a polluted life, continues!


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